What use is a little bit of writing that one can't use? Not much. So it goes public. I used it in an RP with Katell. Let's just say that her truest motivations, and the source of her power... I present one of my newest and best RP posts, at least from where I'm standing.
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*The journey from Bakura had been long, and in that time, Katell had been forced to learn more about Cato Neimoidia's imports, specifically as she had been spending a lot of her time in the cargo hold with the ore. However, during all that time, the man who had given her passage had remained silent. Katell found it odd, but had chosen not to press the matter. She had her own focus, and he hadn't asked her, so it was only fitting to return the favor... But as time passed, she grew more and more uncomfortable. Katell did not easily trust people, and the long silence was only making it harder for her to trust that they were actually going where the man had said they were going. Inside, the battle had begun to rage once more, the battle of painful history fighting to gain a control over the present. Sunless days passed into the blur of moonless nights, and on the freighter went, carrying just the two of them...
Katell had lost track of the days, but then the darkness fell. The engines cut, and the ship rocked heavily as it dropped out of hyperspace. Silence fell. Despite the appropriateness for the situation, fear refused to take hold of Katell, but instead, she found curiosity. Despite the silence, Katell was able to find her way through the ship to bridge, but to little avail. None of the consoles worked, and it was vacant... There was one last place to check. Katell entered the man's room, and found him sitting in a chair, by a window, staring out. There was another chair, and she took it wordlessly, waiting. His voice, old and weary, soon came.*
"Few can see it. Obvious as it is, it seems so natural, yet it is so destructive. Quiet for a moment."
*The man paused, a slight hum being the only thing audible for a moment, then a scratching sound, close to a shriek in sound, but lower volume by far. Had Katell been wanting to think of it as such, she could find the situation rather eerie, but as it was, the effect was rather soothing and peaceful. The man began again, his voice obscuring the sounds.*
"But, is that storm future, or past? Is it coming, or going? And, is it material or not? Perhaps that is the future, calling us, warning us about what is to come... Or, maybe, it's the past, reminding us of what was, what could have been, had things not gone as they did. Who knows? But, no matter what the storm brings, remember this. You can always go forward. So do. Don't look back, but don't look too far ahead. Trust only what is steady, and don't let anything make you doubt what that is. Once you lose sight of what do have... Then all truly is lost."
*From her angle, Katell could only see a slightly back lit profile of the man... But a new star had appeared as a tear dripped.*
"Every trip, I stop, right when there is nothing around us, and I remember that plasma storm. At least, that's what we though it was. When we looked out the windows, we saw nothing... We were adrift, powerless. Then came the scavengers... They came to pick off everything we had left. Why did they have to take her? Why couldn't they have left her here with me?"
*The man's voice broke. Katell remained silent. She had gathered quickly that he was mourning a loss, and now it was obvious who that loss was... A man of his age must have been joined with a woman, and for quite a while... To lose someone that dear, to lose your other half... Katell had never felt, but she had seen the effects of long marriages, and the pain that came with their sudden, untimely ending.*
"Bastards... The whole lot of them. No care. They said they only wanted the cargo. Why did they have to take her life too?"
*As the man's voice lowered, Katell's anger rose. She knew how the man felt, and could completely commiserate with him... but commiseration was not enough. Retaliation was needed... Yet, at the moment, there was nothing either of them could do, a fact that only fueled the anger inside. Silence fell. The man knew that he had to say nothing more, and Katell had no words that could help the man, only the presence of another victim. Soon, the anger had dropped into a sadness, on one side. The man stood, then headed for the engine room, pausing at the door.*
"In this life, it's hard to remember... Things change, you move on... So I force myself to remember. Some call it masochism. Maybe their right, but if I choose to remember, then they can just live with it."
*The man left, and Katell was alone. Anger remained, and surged, fueling an absolute fury inside. [color=#BF0000]The actions these people take in greed... They will pay... The universe will pay.[/color]*
(Excuse the BBCoding. I might fix that... We'll see.)
Very good. I like the way Katell responds in rage. Her way of dealing with things is so different from my own that I tend to twist her out of character when I think about her (which is very rare), but reading one of your posts always sets me straight again.
ReplyDeleteOne part is a bit confusing; the part where the man begins to tell of the incident that took his wife from him. You get a bit choppy there, so at first I wasn't sure what had happened...but of course, that's also probably due to the fact that I really don't know WHAT you're talking about at all when it comes to STar Wars. XD
"*From her angle, Katell could only see a slightly back lit profile of the man... But a new star had appeared as a tear dripped.*"-I COVET YOUR ALLEGORICAL ABILITIES!!!!!
In your blood, I suppose, but it drives me nuts! I wanna be able to describe things so simply yet beautifully, and so darn creatively. >:P
I just cannot begin to fully critique this. Go get a pro. XD It's really awesome, each part is so packed with different feelings and significance. I must admit, it made me depressed, but any time I read about Katell, I get that way.
Also, for a boy you do a wonderful job at making your characters believable...I stand in awe of your ability to make your males act like the gender they are (a constant struggle w/ me) and then your girls...they actually act like girls! O.O The horror! :P Mine are always so whiny...One thing I must give you advice in, concerning your females-Girls don't always have a reason to cry. That's something I've noticed with your girls; they're very practical, which I can see comes from the fact that...(horrendous breakthrough coming)you're a boy! :P As a tip for when you want to do one of those girls that are more 'girly'...have her just break down sometime. XD
AND OH-MY-WORD THIS IS A LOOOOONG COMMENT!!! O.O *hides from her own rambling*
-Argentia Krystofel~
Ha, thanks much. Now, a point by point response... Ahem. XD
ReplyDeleteIt's supposed to be choppy. The man's life has been broken, it's shattered. I know, maybe I need to keep the narrative smooth, but it the word choice, and phrasing, are awkward, which is a feeling I'm going for, Then why stop it? To break it, to shatter it into as many pieces to add and increase the power of it, to escalate the emphasis... If that does it, then I don't care if it's choppy. I have succeeded.
Allegory. It's all about contrast, context, Ain't no test. So, while you thinkin' 'bout the rest, I'm gonna wish you my best, Allegory makes the story.
Ahem, It's not steady. Sometimes it comes, sometimes it doesn't. Just give it your best, and work that until you expand your limits.
Katell is a bit about darker emotions... Of course, sith, duh! :P But, seriously, although anger has it's place, it's powerful, and can easily go over it's limits. So, to have a char based off these emotions is very depressing in a way. Meh, I'm not doing well here. XD
There is a place for "Whiny" girls, but typically, I find that the whiny characteristics are a cover. True, you don't always need a reason to cry. This applies to guys too, just VERY rarely. I'm actually trying a rather soft, feminine char on UFRP... Needed to calm Saest down somehow. XD More on that in the future.
And, yay! Long comments! WHOOOOOTTTTT! XD
~Sir_Furious
But when you don't want a char to be whiny, then it's frustrating!!! :P
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your soft, feminine char. I'm sure you can do it. :)
One thing to focus on is that girls, especially the feminine ones, focus on *relationships* and *feelings* automatically. Remember 'feminine intuition'? *grin*
Calm down Saest with a girl...now, my dear, you are entering upon the common cliche that women can actually change the behavior of men...
I'll have you know it's highly difficult, if not impossible, 90% of the time. :P
Otherwise...I understand if you become frustrated with the feminine girl. Just call me up and I will share in your frustrations, because my males are never...boyish enough for me. I talk to my brothers, or you or Cyll, and compare, and then I think-FAAAAAIIIIIILLLLLLLLL...Adrian's STILL acting like a guuurrrrl and I tried so hard to make him macho-er. LOL :P
-Argentia
Oh, no, she doesn't change his behavior. He does. It's just that she is the person who notices his problems and makes him face them. Nobody can change another person's behavior. But they can influence.
ReplyDeleteI'll bear it in mind. "Hey, I'm having trouble with Ayla again... Yeah, I know, it's 2:47 AM... Hello?"